Letter to Mine Owner

Communication - Writing
Area of Learning:
The World Around Us




Assessing Pupil Responses: This response illustrates the standard at Level 4

Requirements for Communication –
Progression Statements for Level 4 Writing
In a range of forms, for different audiences and purposes, pupils can:
Evidence of Level 4 in this Writing Activity
N.B. Not all of the progression statements at a level are necessarily addressed within this activity.
  • talk about, plan and edit work
  • plan and make use of planning
The pupil initially planned her letter outlining why she was unhappy with the working conditions in a Victorian coal mine.
  • check writing to make improvements in accuracy and meaning
Following feedback from the teacher, the pupil made changes to her work to improve accuracy and meaning, for example, she included paragraphs in her second version. She also corrected spelling, for example, 'tunnells' was changed to 'tunnels'.
  • communicate information, meaning, feelings, imaginings and ideas in a clear and organised way
  • express thoughts, feelings, ideas and opinions, giving reasons when appropriate
The pupil wrote her thoughts clearly at the beginning of the letter, for example, ‘I am writing to complain about the awful working conditions…’ She has given reasons why she thought the conditions were dangerous, ‘…there are gas, explosions, collapsing caves and floods!.’ She has stated an opinion, for example, ‘I hope you will put in proper pit posts and have tunnels inspected.’
  • structure writing, including using paragraphs
In the final version the pupil has included paragraphs and adhered to the appropriate form of a letter.
  • express meaning clearly, using an appropriate vocabulary and level of detail
She has used language relevant to the time, for example, 'pit – posts', 'the knocker-up', 'working conditions' and 'trappers'. She has included an appropriate level of detail, for example, '…there are gas explosions, collapsing caves and floods.' She has used appropriate persuasive language, for example, 'I am writing to complain…… How would you feel…? I hope after reading this letter…..'
  • develop, express and present ideas in a variety of forms and formats, using traditional and digital resources, for different audiences and purposes
  • choose from and use a range of forms, as appropriate
The pupil chose a form suitable for a letter of complaint and has maintained the correct format throughout.
  • write with increasing accuracy and proficiency.
  • vary word order and use linking words within sentences
The pupil has varied her word order and has begun sentences with, 'We trappers…', 'Not only do we…', 'How would you feel…?’
  • use a range of punctuation accurately
The pupil has used a range of punctuation including commas, for example, 'Cold, dark, wet and dirty.'
  • use accurate grammar and spelling on most occasions
Most words had been spelt accurately in the first version and corrections were made when she rewrote the letter.
She has used the correct tense throughout the work.